Who writes this crap?

8. The Seven Samurai (Akira Kurosawa, 1954)

This film presents a lot of obstacles for me, and I believe all movie fans. Firstly it’s in black and white. As we all know film making has evolved to the point of its current perfection. Recent advances in technology have ensure quality films will never cease to be made. CGI, Holograms, 3-D Animation, Explosions, and Computers have ensured that their is no limit to what can be put on screen. See the film “Wild Wild West” for examples of how far film has come. The modern film is a marvel of imagination and innovation, a 21st century Tower of Babel. No longer are film makers limited to using such prehistoric contraptions such as black and white film. We live in color and our movies should reflect that. Hell they had color in 1954, was Kurosawa just cheap or was he blind.

Secondly this film has subtitles. As we all know, books are dead, and no one reads anymore. Why would anyone want to watch a movie where they had to read. Also no one speaks that Japan talk. I got a message for you Kurosawa(if that’s your real name), if you don’t like our country and speak our language you can get the hell out. Why don’t you support our troops? No more activist judges. Pro-life, pro-death penalty, guns don’t kill people I do.

Thirdly the movie is like 3 and a 1/2 hours long. Why would I spend 3 and 1/2 hours of my life watching a movie, when I can get a whole bucketful of bellylaughs in a single 22 minute episode of “According to Jim“. I don’t believe it can be said enough but I strongly believe that Jim Belushi is a treasure. My motto is if you can’t tell a story in 30 minutes or less, I should get my pizza for free.

Fourthly, why would anyone want to make a movie about the olden days. I have got nothing against ninja movies, but they should at least look something like this or this. I am pretty sure Kurosawa never got the message, but it’s the 21st century, and no one cares about some foreigners riding horses and swinging swords like Shinobi. Thanks but no thanks Akira, I am gonna stick with movies that are timely and speak to the modern world.

On filmaffinity.com I gave this film 9/10. I would recommend to anyone in spite of it’s age, length, language, and lack of explosions. Everyone should see this film. It’s fun, entertaining, fast-paced, moving and beautiful.

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